Lady Drace

2006-10-26T11:48:00.000-07:00

Ok... Here we go... pictures added to my posts. Maybe along with a little sense. I obviously suck at making posts anyone can understand. But here we go. From now on, I'll try to add some sense to my posts... no promises of course, but I will try....

FTW, WFT???

2006-10-17T07:04:00.000-07:00

Crap.... crap, crap, crap....

I can't keep track of even the simplest things... så fuck it all... what the fuck, fuck the world...

Who gives a rat's ass anyhow???

Wow, do I still have this thing???

2006-10-16T00:02:00.000-07:00

Update:

Current rattie count: 17.

Social status: Married to Bjarne. Got me a new name.

Mental state: Uncertain.

Financial state: Horrific.

Medical state: Depressed again, back on pills. A new kind though...

Mood: Sour.

Maybe I'll try and revive this thing... maybe not... time will tell.

No one cares.

2006-02-22T11:22:00.000-08:00

No matter what you do, or how much you work for something, it won't matter in the end. Because no one will care.

Think about it.... how often do we actually get some recognition for what we do? Just a little?
It all comes down to how popular you are. Even if you do nothing other than look good, you will be told so every day. Be sucked up to.

But those who work their ass off to get a little praise don't ever get any. It's so unfair.... it's life...

I'm not good looking.... I'm not popular... but does that mean that what I do counts less??

Obviously it does.... what's the point anyhow? Who would care if I wasn't even here? I could go to Egypt and no one would know I was gone until after a week or so...

Who cares.... obviously only I do.

A whole bag of "SCHHH"!

2006-01-29T16:18:00.000-08:00

Having your own opinions is a lonely buisness. Walking the road you think is the right one, often means walking it alone. Someone might be there to lend you a hand crossing the tough spots, but no one can always follow the same path as you all the way.

And when you finally think you have found the road you want to follow, something happens, that makes you reconsider. I suppose it is the way of life, but it sure isn't easy!

And if there is one thing all these roads can teach you, it is how cruel some people can be. People will follow your road for quite some time, just to take the short cut to the nearest highway, and then dump you like week-old garbage, and be off in a flash. And they will say anything to get on your road. "you are absolutely right". "Yes of course it's like that". "I understand exactly what you mean". But it's all lies. All lies.

I guess we all have to live with the fact that life will lie to us now and again. Perhaps to keep us on our guard, and teach us to look after ourselves. Perhaps. Or mayby life just sucks. Pick one.

Life, Love and the New Year.

2006-01-04T12:52:00.000-08:00

So, here I am again. Behind on my homework.... oh well... I should really be used to it by now.

I barely passed my first exam, and I'm a bit down about it, 'cause I really tried my very best. I allowed myself to hope - for once - for a higher grade... but alas... no such luck. :o(

So right now I'm hiding from the world. I stayed in bed most of the day, reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix for the umpteenth time. Not bad, exept for the fact that I now have a headache, and the chance of me getting a good night's sleep is now ruined. Hoorrah for me...

The new year started out dismally, when I sat on a glass shard a few minutes past midnight, New Year's Eve. One of our guests got the wonderfully stupid idea to cut the neck off the champagne bottle with a very dull and rusty sabre. "It won't splinter" - my ass..... litterally!

And then came the exam on monday, and now I'm behind again. Juuust great.

Well at least I still have friends, and with a little luck there will be some nice role playing on friday. I hope this will take my mind off things, and get me back on track with the homework.

I lost a few of my rats in the last weeks of the year, but at least now none of the remaining seem the least bit ill or tired from old age. Så my hopes are up for a sorrow-free spring.

I feel like I'm running out of time. Time for my homework, time for love, time for life... I'm not sure what to do about it, but I can't quite shake the feeling. Maybe I just need to try harder to make the most of the time I have?

I'm really just getting too lazy... shame on me... Maybe I'll get it together.... tomorrow...

Goodbye to the freakin' pills!

2005-12-01T04:09:00.000-08:00

I have made my decision. Those stinkin' pills are not going to control my life. My doctor keeps assuring me that they are not addictive. But what about emotional addiction? What if somehow I make myself believe that I can't have a normal life without those damn pills?

But I refuse. I am now officially taking a stand... SOMBODY TAKE NOTES!!! CALL THE PRESS!!!!!

Let's see how things go from now on. With all my logic I can't make it true that I need pills to have a good life. It really makes no sense.

Well. I'm going to take it one day at a time. And today, I will start with som homework. :o)

Harry Pothead, and the Goblin on Fire.

2005-11-19T07:10:00.000-08:00

I'm just sitting here with my mind slightly out of focus, surfing the internet and really trying to do as little as possible.

Still trying to keep up at university, but I'm positive about it. The last time I went there, I had already given up at this point. And now I have a lot more friends than I did then. :o)

Watching 5th Element.... again... and again. Chris Tucker is too funny as Ruby Rod.

Well... I'm gonna go and rap myself up in all my blankets and drink cocao in the living room.

Blog on dude!

2005-11-07T08:45:00.000-08:00

Well, I keep forgetting that I have this blog. But hey, It's not to late to keep it going. Så here goes for the newest subjects in my life:

-Behind on two assignments for my university.... oh well... not so unusual I guess.
-Forgot my pills at my psychiatrist on friday, so I've had my first pill-free weekend since I don't know when. That was weird.
-Wanting more pets. As if I don't have enough by having 20 rats... hmm... maybe I should seek help... oh... wait... I'm already getting help. Now what does that say about me?
-Most of my friends are fighting each other at the moment, and keep screaming at me to take a stand about it. But I keep refusing, så right now I don't feel like I have that many friends. And I'm still not very close with my mom, so good thing I have sisters and a fiancé. Boy... people are generally stupid right now in my opinion.
-New boots and pants.... which means great looks, but awful tender points on my heals and thighs, where the new clothes have to "grow on me". Ouch...
-Bjarne (the before mentioned fiancé) is still in the middle of rehersing his winter play: Pippi, so I still don't see him a lot. Boy... my nights are lonely these days. But tonight I'm very lucky. he has a single night off. :o)

So all in all things are not so bad right now. I've got waaaay too many thoughts for my tiny skull to handle, but I'm sure it's just a fase. Så I look to the future and I'm not really pessimistic about it. For once. But then again... I'm not sure I really am a pessimist by nature. It's hard to know what you're really like with all those pills.

But hey. Thums up on life.

Goodbyes and eyeopeners.

2005-10-13T12:26:00.000-07:00

First a sad goodbye to an old friend at the end of her life, and now my eyes and ears are wide open in chok of the behavior of one who is still very much alive.
Right now my feelings are racing up and down in a rollercoaster of chok and sorrow. Some people are just unbelievable.

This makes no sense, I know. But hey, who cares.... this is just a blog. ;o)

Monday soon.

2005-10-09T15:13:00.000-07:00

Sunday night. The awful monday approaching fast. Yuck....

Good thing my mood has returned to something like normal. Dismal as it may sound. But then again, at least now I feel brave enough to call my doctor in the morning. I'm sure he is going to give me more pills. *sigh*. I hate pills. They keep me away from my life. But then again.... they also keep me from death. So I suppose I should be grateful. At some point. I will just have to be patient and bide my time. If I'm a good girl, maybe my life will get back on track some time in the future.

Testing, testing, one, two, three.....

2005-10-08T12:41:00.000-07:00

First blog ever. Well well. Two of my rats scuttling over my keyboard and my belly full of wonderful roasted beef. Life is good.

But with the knowledge that in no more than 5 minutes I will fall back into my sorry state of depression, the goodness of life in this very instant is only a small comfort.

Too many things are happening in my life right now. And not the things I want to see happen. That's just unfair. But what have I done to deserve a little luck? I don't work hard for it, that's for sure. I try to make things happen with my mind alone, hoping that people won't demand too much of me. I make promises I can't keep, and I try time and time again to make everybody like me. Even people I myself really don't like that much. Why do I fight so hard for it? Especially when I know myself well enough to know that it will all come to nothing. It's just so damn hard.